Perfectly Perfect

All day long today, I've been thinking about my many blessings. As I was reading this blog about a family with a baby that was just born with Down syndrome, thoughts came flooding back to me from the day I was pregnant with Jackson and received a phone call from the Parkland Hospital. They told me I had some irregular testing and needed to come in for a visit and should bring my husband. I quickly looked over the pamphlets they gave me at my last appointment and read down the list of all the diseases and disorders the baby was tested for.

We met with a very nice lady who told us we had 1/162 chance that this baby had Down syndrome. Women my age with normal testing would have 1/4400 chance, so they deemed it high risk. We could choose to get an amniocentesis or not, but that would be the only way to know for sure before the baby was born. I don't love needles and I always thought I'd be against risking the baby in any way, but after praying and fasting about it, we knew that I should have the test.

It would be two weeks until we got the results and I wish I could say I wasn't an emotional basket-case during that time. But I was. I began the mourning process in hopes that when I did find out, I'd be out of tears and ready to be optimistic and excited for our journey with a baby who had down syndrome. I felt like it would be an honor to be a parent to such a special child; one that would be ours forever, without doubt. But thoughts of how hard it would be and what he would miss out on, always lurked and made Jeff and I very sad.

It was two weeks later on a Thursday when we found out, I remember it very clearly. I was standing in the kitchen when my phone rang. I knew it was the hospital before I answered. It was the nice lady who visited with us before. I was happy to hear her voice and for the wondering to be over. I just wanted to know and then I could deal with it, either way. I remember being very calm as she told me that our baby did not have Down syndrome. I'm sure she could hear the relief in my voice as I told her, "Thank you so much" and it wasn't until she told me "Congratulations" that I started crying. I hung up and turned right to Jeff and told him our baby is ok. We hugged for a long time on our kitchen floor.

I remember our prayer that night, thanking our Heavenly Father that our baby was healthy. We try to include that in every prayer we make, and I'm sure we always will. Because of this experience I don't take for granted for one second how blessed we are to have two children who are healthy and safe.

Jeff and I haven't told anyone about this except our parents and a couple people who we served with at church at that time, but today I felt very strongly to share my experience. I had many peaceful moments where the Lord gave me strong answers. The first was to do the testing. Looking back I'm so grateful that answer was so clear because it saved me a lot of heartache and anxiety, if I had to wonder for another 5 months. Another strong feeling I got was to be ready. With this prompting, I thought it meant for sure he had the disorder, but now I know it had to do with his delivery. I'm so glad that I was spiritually prepared at the time or it would have been even harder for me to recover from that. The greatest inspiration I received during this difficult time is that we are all special. That the spirit that would be sent to me would be ours and he would be perfect. I'm grateful for those answers, that didn't give me a yes or a no, but gave me the promptings I needed to stay strong and know that the Lord has a greater plan for all of us. That we are sent down at the right time and to the right parents. I'm grateful to be a mother and a wife and I find so much joy from those callings as a woman.