My thoughts on motherhood...

It seems like it's always Sunday nights when, after I've enjoyed the day with my family, I am overwhelmed with the joy I feel as a mom. With Mother's Day being last week, I've been feeling so blessed to have the opportunity to be a Mommy.
5 years ago, I held my 3 month old baby on my first Mother's Day. I remember feeling so fulfilled and happy to be able to celebrate Mother's Day AS a Mom. 4 years ago, when Tyler was 1, I found out I was pregnant with Jackson. It was Mother's Day morning and I'm pretty sure I cried through church that day! (tears of happiness, of course!)
And this year, Mother's Day was May 13-- exactly 3 months from the day I will get to meet our baby girl.
I was just released from my calling in Young Women's as Laurel Advisor. I had been feeling like that calling had the perfect amount of responsibility for me, and a great opportunity to get away on Wednesday nights :) and be in a different part of the building on Sundays!
Jeff was in Primary so I always knew my boys would be happy in there. But recently he was called to Young Men's, and they especially needed him on Wednesday nights.
But lately I have been feeling like I wish I knew what the boys were learning about in Primary and feeling like they needed me there. I was called as Primary Chorister! A calling I had right after Jeff and I were married, before we had kids and before I had this much confidence working with children. I still feel like I am so not musical, but I am so happy to be involved in my boy's activities and learning again... I get to practice on them  throughout the week and teach my children at the same time- priceless!
Some of the things that as a MOM I've been grateful for lately:
-sponge bob and spiderman bandaids. How did moms convince their kids to wear bandaids when they were blank?
-calamine lotion and vaccines. Tyler had a mild case of chicken pox this week, and thanks to the vaccine and some calamine lotion, it never got very bad. I think the hardest thing for both of us was that we had to stay in the house. We are all looking forward to preschool, tiny tots and gymnastics this week!! (and we have our fingers crossed Jackson won't get it in 20 days)
-finger prints on the windows and dirt rings in the tub. Seriously! I saw a sign the other day that said, "Excuse the mess, my children are making memories." I want to be that kind of a mom. A mom that doesn't follow her kids around with clorox wipes. This makes me laugh (or squirm) a little because if you come over unannounced you will see that my house turns into a disaster rather quickly! Pretty sure no one in the world will peg me as a neat freak.
-having three pairs of toy story underwear in my purse. It always makes me smile as I am rummaging through the bag to find my keys, phone, sunglasses or library card.
-seeing Jackson's favorite toys lovingly placed there by his big brother while he naps. I wish I took a picture when I saw it, but imagine a sleeping 3 year old next to a pile of trios, legos, spiderman, and robin from his 5 year old hero.
-memorizing Are you My Mother so that we can still read it when it is lost under a bed and mommy is too fat to search for it. enough said :)
-tackling a child to give them a hug just because. This is even more fun when one of them is mid-sentence. Although I have learned it is best NOT to do it when Jackson is talking about Batman.
This week has been one of the most overwhelming, because due to the pox, we were home together all week without very many outings. In fact I called my mom a couple times and said, "we need to get out!" But I noticed most of my most joyous moments happen within the walls of my home! I am so blessed to be called mommy!

Boucher Family Time

After my Uncle Eric passed away, the boys and I drove with my parents to Sacramento for the funeral and to visit all my Mom's family up there. The funeral was hard, but also nice to see everyone and to remember the great qualities and memories of Eric.

After the funeral, Grandpa planted a special tree that will bloom in the Springtime to remember Eric.

 Shauna, David, Andrew, Denise, Grandpa, Grandpa with Carson and Cameron

 My Mom and her siblings (minus Eric, plus Cameron- Andrew's darling daughter)

 Me and my parents

 Mom and her cousins

 Grandpa Boucher, Honey and Cameron (she calls Grandma "Honey" because that's what she hears Gpa call her!) 

The boys had a blast playing in the backyard treehouse and swing. Good thing my cousin Carson was there, he was the perfect playmate for the boys- they loved him!

Uncle Eric

My uncle Eric passed away yesterday, he will be missed so much! I have so many great memories of him, especially when I was a kid. I remember he used to spend summers with our family and drive with us on our family vacations. I have been told that one particular trip I got carsick and threw up on him (and he still loved me!) He has always been so fun and kind and wonderful to be around.

This picture is one of my very favorite memories of him, I remember riding the SeaDoo with him at Lake Powell!

Another one of my favorite memories of him I have now passed on to my children!! Whenever we would pass the cows on the drive to Sacramento, we'd say, "Eeeew, Eric!!", as if he was the one making the car stinky :) This past summer when my mom and I drove the boys up there to visit, we did the same thing. One day when I took off Jackson's shoes, he smelled his stinky feet and said, "Eeeew, Eric!" I will continue to think of Eric often!

24 Weeks Baby Update

I went to the doctor today for my 24 week check up. I swear this pregnancy is flying by!! I had a couple weeks of swollen hands, achy body and joint pain but other than those uncomfortable days I've been feeling super good. I finally feel like I have things under control at home (besides the bedrooms most days) because I have more energy but it doesn't last forever!

We heard the heartbeat, scheduled the glucose test and my rogham shot (dumb negative blood type!) and the C-Section date!! AUGUST 13th-- different than what I previously thought, but I'm so excited because it's my brother's birthday (no, we are not naming her Thomasina!) :)

 The dreaded belly shot! I felt myself get bigger each day this week. And I still have lots more to go!

We just got back from visiting my sister, Katie and her darling baby Samantha! The boys LOVED holding her and knew to be quiet when she was sleeping.

Today after lunch time, Jackson was yelling at me to get him out of his booster chair. I walked up to him with my finger over my mouth and said, "shhh, say it quietly please." He said, "your baby sleeping in your tummy?" It was so sweet and totally made me laugh. Thanks Samantha for letting us practice on you!! :) More pictures coming of Samantha and our Utah fun soon!!

Jackson's first big boo boo :(

This week has been crazy, to say the least! Jackson fell (or got pushed?) off the toy shelf in the playroom and landed on a toy right on his forehead. He cut it bad enough that by the time I got to him his face was all bloody! I called Jeff and he came right home (I love that work is less than 5 mins away!) to check it out. He butterfly bandaged it and gave him a priesthood blessing, which helped to comfort us all and told us we would know what to do next. Jeff took Tyler and went back to work while Jackson and I cuddled and I watched his wound. Olivia and Alissa came over a little after that to pick something up and cheered Jack right up. Then Jeff called and said we should head over to urgent care so the doctors could take a look and see if he needed stitches. Alissa drove us over so we'd only have one car at urgent care and Jeff planned on meeting us right when he got off work.

We walked into the care center and I could see blood dripping from his bandages and a sense of relief that we listened to inspiration and brought him in. I peeked in the window and the nice front desk lady frowned when she looked at Jackson. She took our info and I heard her say, "we have a cute little boy here with a head wound". They took us right back and I tried to keep up with the paperwork as they started checking him out.
They sent us to the triage then procedure room and told me he'd need stitches. This was so awful to watch. It had nothing to do with the blood- although the doctors put a chair behind me in case I fainted. They had to strap him down on the table and Jackson was so calm until they started numbing him. They actually stuck the needles in the cut!! (I thought they'd just poke him a couple times next to it) It was awful. From that second on the screaming begun. I tried to talk to him and tell him he was doing so good but at one point I couldn't talk and almost cried! It was just so sad to see him so upset and not understand they were trying to help him. Afterwards when he was calmed down he pointed to the bed and told me, "bad guy did that". I told him the doctor was a good guy helping is head stop bleeding, but how do you explain that to a 3 year old??!

Anyways, he has been doing so great since then. One of my sweet friends watched the boys today during my doctors appointment because he wasn't up to going to Tiny Tots, and another friend brought toys for the boys to play with. He is running around like a crazy boy today, and climbing on everything. Now he can actually understand when I tell him to get down so he doesn't crack his head open! I've asked him a few times when he was climbing on a chair arm, the same toy shelf and all the way up the outside gate if he wanted to get stitches again! Seriously, I need him to slooooow down!

please, no more boo boos on this pretty little face!!

Easter Sunday

We had a great Easter this year! Pretty low-key, and enjoyed the day together as a family.

In the morning, the Easter Bunny came and left the boys a basket full of goodies! We skipped the egg hunt -they hid eggs for each other all week, so it was old news :)

Then we got all dressed up and headed to church!

After we went to our favorite scenic spot (my parents backyard!)

My handsome men!!

Seriously, I didn't know he was making this face... it was at the end of our "photo shoot" and I think he was ready to be done!

Cuties and their shades!!

Then we headed home to finish our baking projects-- deviled eggs and rice krispie treat eggs! (Thanks Christine for the egg holders and cute bunny plate!! I enjoyed taking them to our family dinner!)

Did anyone else see that cute commercial with the mommy and kids making these? I saw it and just had to make them!!

Then we headed to my parents where my grandparents, aunt, uncles, and cousins were at- we had lots of fun and enjoyed the time together!!

All week I have felt especially grateful for our Savior. That he lived such a beautiful life and sacrificed for us so that we can live again. During one of the speakers at church, Tyler turned to me and said, "I know this. I know about how Jesus died on the cross." I love teaching my children about the gospel and the true meanings of why we celebrate holidays. Our boys know that we will all live again in heaven and I'm so grateful for that knowledge!!

Tyler Funnies and Jackson Jokes!

The boys have been cracking us up like crazy lately!

The other day, Jackson was jibber talking and he said something to the effect of, "booboo berries, poopies." I told him, "Hey, we don't say poop words. If you need to say poop words, go sit in the bathroom." He immediately walked to the bathroom, put the toilet lid down, sat down on the toilet and after a few seconds I heard him say, "poop words"

Tyler was asking me to tell him all about Texas. I told him about how we walked to the park that was right by our house all the time and he asked how old he was, "was I three?" I told him he was 2, and he said, "oh so I was really close to the ground, then."

We were driving and Jackson called out to Tyler, "hey baby, what'cha doin?" no answer. "hey baby, what'cha doin?"

Tyler-- "I'm not a baby!"

Jackson-- "hey boy, what'cha doing?"

It was raining and Tyler asked if they would see a rainbow. "Maybe after the rain goes away, we'll see one." I told him. Jackson overheard only part of the conversation and said, "A monster?!" (I think he was excited)

IT's a...

GIRL!!

We found out on March 19 at about 10am! I don't have scan-able or printable ultrasound images so no proof until she's out, but we did see her on the screen! When the technician announced it, Jeff looked at the screen and said, "yup, there's nothing there!" It was a great experience for us, I always love being able to see the baby, hear the heartbeat and watch them move. Jeff met me there during a work break, then I picked up balloons to take to the boys. I have to admit I had a hard time not being an emotional wreck! I have waited for this for so long! I also have to admit that I have already been baby girl clothes shopping and am planning out the pink and purple nursery!! We are so excited to have a SISTER in the family!

Sea World!

I found out about a great way to get into Sea World with their homeschooling program. My mom & I took the boys and their cousins for $5.75 each! We drove up the day before and stayed in a hotel so we didn't have to leave at 5 am (best decision ever!) The trip was super fun and a ton of work, but I'm so glad we did it! Tyler is obsessed with sharks right now and cousin Lily had a dolphin birthday, so it fit it our March celebrations perfectly!!

The kids watching the turtles and tropical fish! I love the silhouette look next to the bright colors!

I think this is the megaladon jaw (extinct shark- thank goodness!)

See why we didn't take very many pictures? HEHEEE!!

My mom is pretty amazing and I'm so glad she always wants to have a crazy adventure with me!! Imagine a 3 hour drive with 5 kids ages 1-6 and no dads... there and back. We found ourselves cracking up quite often at the craziness around us... laugh or cry, right?!!

Tyler's SHARK birthday!

Our big boy Tyler turned 5 this week!! He chose to have a SHARK theme party which was a big hit!!

We had a coloring station with the pinata candy bags to decorate and put stickers on...
THE COOLEST SHARK WATERMELON full of berries and melon... so yummy and cute!

we filled cups with goldfish, pretzels and fish gummies as "shark bait" for snacks

And LOTS of great friends!!

and family! :)

PINATA time was a huge HIT (no pun intended, ok maybe a little bit!)

even Grandpa got in on the fun!

and everyone loved jumping on the trampoline!

My good friend Alissa made these delicious and scary cupcakes!

Singing Happy Birthday:

and present time from all our great friends:

Here's the party favor gifts he gave his friends:

The party turned out perfectly! Everyone was able to make it and it was a beautiful day- perfect for an outside party.

And of course Daddy took the boys shopping on his REAL birthday and came home with this huge thing!!

A day to remember...

...and not necessarily in a good way, but in a way that will hopefully make me a better mom. The day started out really great, we were up early as a family, Jeff was headed running, I jumped in the shower, Jack got a bath and Tyler even showered too. It was picture day for Tyler so we picked out a handsome outfit and put gel in his hair. A little before 9 Jeff headed to work while the boys and I piled in the car. Jackson and I went to mommy-and-me gymnastics after we dropped off Tyler at preschool. After gymnastics Jackson and I shared a pretzel and juice at Target and I got a few storage boxes to organize the office. We came home for an hour before preschool pick up to wrap presents and straighten up a bit. I had a great conversation with Katie, and enjoyed a quiet, productive morning.

At noon, we picked up Tyler and his friend and all the boys ate snacks outside in the warming sun, with the back door open while I cleaned my already tidied kitchen. I was productive all afternoon while the kids played and we enjoyed the day. We headed to see Lanie in the afternoon, to invite her to Tyler's b-day party and pay rent for our home. We picked up Grace who comes to play with the boys on Thursdays while I get jobs done. Today I worked more on organizing the playroom.

When she left, we started dinner and my kitchen helpers moved their chairs up to help me cook spaghetti. We talked, laughed, stirred, and prepped our dinner. After dinner Tyler decided on cherry-chip flavored cupcakes to share with their Tiny Tots class tomorrow so we got to baking those. Tyler stirred the kitchen aid while Jackson filled the cupcake tin with white papers. I remember thinking how darling it was that he pushed each paper into the tin with his hand even though it was already in there just fine. We put them in the oven and Tyler found some floss to play shark fishing. He literally tied the dental floss around his toy shark and sat on the counter until it "bit". I almost stopped him, because that is just not what we do with floss, and then I stopped myself, remembering that this is how boys explore and learn. I remember thinking how awesome my kids are and how great of a mom I am being... and that's about the last of the happy memories. It's not uncommon for a mommy-melt down to occur after 5pm. But tonight, I am left feeling like I ruined our perfectly good day.

I pulled the cupcakes out and walked into the office to get some computer work done. Tyler told me Jackson had a cupcake and I immediately found Jackson red handed with a cupcake paper (and no cupcake left) yelled at him and spanked his bum. A few minutes later Tyler came in to tell me "Jackson had another one" In which I said, "seriously?" Then I looked at his face and saw that there were cupcake crumbs on Tyler's face. I yelled at him for eating one "Now we won't have enough for your friends!! And don't EVER lie to me."

The look on his face broke my anger and turned it into pure regret. I hate that I yelled before thinking and ruined an opportunity to teach and uplift. So what if there aren't enough cupcakes for the kids in their Tiny Tots class who I don't even know their names...

Tyler ran off and cried on his bed, while I came up with a lame apology and tried to take it back. But at that point, we all lost it. I tried to make up for it by happily performing our bedtime routine of songs, tickle backs and good-nights, but my obvious bad mood rubbed off on all. Jackson cried about the Megatron robot he wanted and didn't have, Tyler kept saying, "I'm so sad" and my desperate attempt to make it ok just wasn't enough.

I am now writing it all down in hopes it will be therapeutic, not positive that I will hit the publish button, but sure that I am making a learning moment out of this. Tonight I have prayed for more patience, for the ability to think before I talk (or yell), and the constant understanding that I am taking care of two very special little boys. Boys that have come directly from our Heavenly Father, who in a lot of ways, still remember Jesus, and who have taught me more about life and love than I could ever learn in any other way. So tonight I go to bed with a heavy heart, with the desire to make tomorrow better, and a little scared that I will fail again. In fact, for sure I will. But I will never take for granted that we have a happy family and opportunities to do better. Maybe that's why we get to live so many days. Chances to re-do situations and eventually perfect ourselves. I found these words of counsel that gives me some relief in my quest to be a better mom:

President Ezra Taft Benson said, "We must be careful, as we seek to become more and more Christlike, that we do not become discouraged and lose hope. Becoming Christlike is a lifetime pursuit and very often involves growth and change that is slow, almost imperceptible."